So here it is. This is one of the more contentious blog posts I probably will ever write and the long and short of it is, I just cannot give you an answer. I've been thinking about writing on this topic for as long as I've been writing the blog and it wasn't until an anonymous reader commented about me writing it that I decided, enough time has past. It's time to dig deep and give it a go. As such, if this isn't what you believe or want to hear, I apologise, but I can only go from what I know and what I see...SO here goes.
Fat acceptance. The basic issue here can be broken down into the following points:
Personal accountability
Being accepted for the person you are
The difference between being 'fat' and being 'unhealthy'
Personal accountability, for me, simply means that I am responsible for who I am. None of this bullshit of 'oh, but I was MADE this way'. My degree has taught me enough about human agency to know that we, as living, breathing creatures, have a reaction on ourselves and the world around us. Whilst genetics and the agency of other humans WILL impact your life, ultimately who you are comes down to who you choose to be. The old adage says 'good things come to those who wait', I think 'good things come to those who get off their behind and go get it' and this is exactly the same with weight.
That being said, I am losing weight FOR ME and no one else. I have been a happy, healthy female for most of my life. Of course I have down days but I don't look in the mirror and hate myself. I never have and I doubt I ever will. I suppose you could say I've been blessed with enough self esteem and self assurance that I don't really feel any self loathing. But, I made a decision to lose weight, because it probably will impact me at some point in the future. Near or far, who knows. IF, on the other side I had chosen to continue my fabulousness as a (and I HATE this term) Big Beautiful Woman (BBW) then that would have been my decision and no one else's. And equally it would be no one else's place to hate on me. This is the problem with our society, we have become so obsessed with the correlation between weight and beauty that we automatically go 'oh, she's fat. She can't possibly be happy' and to society, I say 'how bloody dare you condescend to tell me whether I'm allowed to be happy or not. I should be accepted for who I am, fat or not and if I'm happy with my size (and do not personally impact the lives of others) then you can shove off'.
We have come so far in this part of the world in the past century. In most places we have reached universal suffrage (i.e. all citizens of a nation over an age limit can vote, regardless of gender, race or creed), racism is completely unacceptable (though apparently some people have still missed that memo) and segregation or other demonstrations of different rights for different races has been all but snuffed out. We've seen feminism call for equal rights between the sexes, I can be whatever religion (or indeed no religion) I want and we are almost (ALMOST) at the point where our gay brothers and sisters can marry their partners. Almost as if they're just people...apparently this is a shock to some people. Who knew?
Fatism (if this isn't a word, I'm coining it) is the last acceptable form of prejudice. It's not just acceptable, it's encouraged. We see it in our governing bodies, in our medical offices; in schools and businesses. I am fat, therefore I am seen as of a lower earning potential or of a lower intelligence level. I am fat, therefore I am seen as a burden on our countries supplies and medical care (I pay for private health insurance, I am no drain on your taxes- promise). I am fat, and since you're no longer allowed to be homophobic or racist, I am seen as your target of ridicule. And in some ways, and I hate that I can say this, people aren't always wrong. The problem comes from the attitude. I've been told, and I don't know if this is true or not, that often the people doing the ridiculing think that their abuse is going to be some kind of catalyst which will drive the overweight members of our society to better themselves and that one day we will look back on those abusive bastards with joy in our eyes 'thanking them' for their help. No, we'll always think you're a disgrace. Sorry to break it to you.
Until the time comes where genetics can tell us once and for all 'Congratulations, you have the 'fat' gene' being overweight is not the same as sexuality or race. Personally, I wasn't born fat. This is something that I have done to myself over my 22 years on this planet. BUT, our society has become confused by health and weight. As I mentioned in my earlier post about skinny vs. healthy, a skinny person can be as unhealthy as a fat person on the inside and overweight people can be perfect specimens of health in everything but their weight.
If society wants to 'help' their overweight members lose weight, it has to be the individual's own decision and it has to come from a position of GENUINE support, not a passive aggressive position of browbeating a person into feeling inferior and further damaging, what can be, an already shattered self esteem. Indeed, what would be beneficial would be taking away the fact that many people are made to feel like losing weight is a punishment and that they need to suffer in their weight loss journey. This is what we need to invest time in, not in bullying people.
In society, unless a person has demonstrated that they are truly terrible people (and we're talking about murderers, rapists etc.) we should be accepting of one person's desire to be who they want to be. As long as people take personal responsibility, it is no one else's business what they do or do not do. If you come from a religious perspective, most religions follow a system of treating others as they would themselves. So let's try to do this from now on. And finally, as I've already said, if you abuse a person from a point of view of being 'helpful' you need a reality check and a slice of humble pie. You're just being a dick. Accept that and change or accept that and move on. But DON'T tell me that you're being helpful.
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